A 2022 Halloween Parade – and Extravaganza (?) – became a thing late yesterday afternoon. Last week, RIOC President/CEO Shelton J. Haynes said we’d have to wait until next year. 2022 would be the shrunken “Extravaganza” only. But four days later, the state agency that never gets it wrong changed course.
by David Stone
The Roosevelt Island Daily News
A 2022 Halloween Parade for Roosevelt Island
Some things don’t change nor should we expect them to. The emailed announcement was illiterate to the point of incomprehensible. Adding a six-figure Communications AVP has not heightened writing proficiency at RIOC.
- See also update: The 2022 Roosevelt Island Halloween Parade, See the Full Video
We’ll try to sort it out, but it was clear on one thing:
“The Halloween Parade and Extravaganza will be held this Saturday, October 29th!”
No explanation for the startling reversal, but that’s expected where completing a simple sentence looks akin to scaling Everest.
We will attach the entire mauling of the English language below, but here are the let’s call them “highlights.”
When?
“Parade participants will gather at 10:15 AM at Capobianco Field (opposite 595 Main Street) and proceed down Main Street to South Point Park for the Extravaganza. South Point Park for the Extravaganza. Rain date Sunday, October 30th.”
Because the entire “advisory” implies it was written by someone who has never been here and failed high school English, we’ll translate as needed. 595 Main Street = Westview.
And no, we have no clue why they repeated “South Point Park.” Maybe just emphasizing the misspelling of Southpoint Park. (Never been here, right?)
Parking Restrictions for the 2022 Halloween Parade
While pondering why nobody proofreads anything at RIOC before it’s made public, I untangled this:
No Parking on Sections of Main Street
- In front of or opposite 501 to 645 Main St from Friday, 10/28/22 at 11:00 PM through Saturday, 10/29/22 at 12:00 PM
- At the rear of 405 to 475 Main St from Friday, 10/28/22 at 11:00 PM through Saturday, 10/29/22 at 12:00 PM
- In front of or opposite 250 to 281 Main St from Friday, 10/28/22 at 11:00 PM through Saturday, 10/29/22 at 12:00 PM
Who knows why they repeated the timeframes when a single mention would do? But for simplicity, because no one will recognize many of the addresses in lieu of place names, here’s the easy version:
From 11:30 p.m. on Friday until Noon on Saturday, you can’t park on Main Street from Westview to Rivercross.
We have no idea what “At the rear of 405 to 475 Main St” means, but it’s safe assuming that parking is also out along West Main all through Southtown.
And 250 Main Street is Sportspark while 281 Main Street doesn’t even exist. This implies that RIOC is hogging all the parking around Sportspark for themselves, as far as we can tell.
Spotlight: Our Candidate for the Most Incoherent Sentence Ever Composed by Human Hands
“10:40-11:30 Traffic will be diverted from West roadway at Tram to East side Main Street F/O 405 Main Street to 480 Main Street”
I’m not even going to try.
Cars will not weave through the parade. ‘Nuff said.
Where Can I Watch the 2022 Halloween Parade?
Parade Information
- 10:15 AM – Parade organizes at Capobianco Field. (Wristbands will be given out to all participants in the park).
- 10:45 AM – Parade kick-off, led by PSD/Grounds vehicle. The Parade will head south on Main Street, passing the business district, proceeding to the Blackwell turnaround. Once at Blackwell, the parade will continue south on West Road, passing the subway, ending at South point park.
- 11:00 AM – Enter South point park. Attendees wishing to park strollers will be directed to a designated area outside the park.
- 11:00 AM to 3:00 PM – If you can’t make the Halloween parade, feel free to join us at South Point Park for the Extravaganza!
Questions Abound
Why are they giving out wristbands? What on earth is a “PSD/Grounds vehicle?” Do we now have a business district?
And bless their precious little hearts, they made us laugh, misspelling “South point park” three more times. For emphasis?
Finally
The weather looks fine, and kids of all ages should have a good time. But don’t expect the state agency that never gets it wrong to correct this brain fog-inducing “advisory.”
Current practice is never admitting a mistake and, then, repeating it ad nauseum through email blasts until the event mercifully leaves your inbox alone.
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