New Shelton Haynes Blooper: Hilarious “News” Amid the Deluge

There was always some risk in the desperate splurge of Shelton Haynes promotions coursing through the internet, but this new blooper is an absolute doozy. It apparently is not what was intended.

by David Stone

The Roosevelt island Daily News

Shelton Haynes on Constructing An Distinctive Security Division can’t be explained normally. It’s so hopelessly goofy, its travels since the Team Shelton Haynes Promo hit the internet are unknown, maybe unknowable.

But the results are hilarious.

The new blooper launches with a sobering photo of RIOC President/CEO Shelton J. Haynes standing in front of The Girl Puzzle in Lighthouse Park. It’s old and so out of proportion it makes him look tiny agains the blown up background. A construction crane is visible behind him.

That’s awkward, but the clumsiness is whisked away by the first paragraph:

For a small island within the East River, Roosevelt Island has an distinctive security division, in keeping with Roosevelt Island Working Company CEO Shelton Haynes, with a group that’s nearer to the really feel of a small city with a inhabitants of 12,000 in the course of the higher metropolis of New York Metropolis.

News 365 World

It makes RIOC’s illiteracy look like Shakespeare.

Team Shelton Haynes Promo’s New Blooper

While the vigorous campaign of promotions aimed at improving Haynes’s profile across the known universe has always been a bit silly and not quite honest, it never stretched this far. Yes, it’s embarrassing for Roosevelt Island, and it should be for Governor Kathy Hochul.

• In New Shelton J. Haynes Promo, Marvel at All the Things He Didn’t Really Do
• ADVERTISE WITH US. LET US HELP YOU GROW
• UPDATED: Poof! Now Gone-Shelton Haynes’s Worst Promotion Disappears
• Roosevelt Island wants more tourists now, says the New York Times. Do we?
• Haynes at it again. Someone please offer this man a new job

But she has been impervious so far over any and all of the gaffs, lawsuits and investigations.

So, let’s help her out with the closing paragraph from the new blooper:

RIOC Places Neighborhood First

This strategy has allowed Roosevelt Island to take care of its sense of group, even because the bigger metropolis across the island is altering each day. Although it will take a fragile contact to retain a small-town environment in a rising space, Shelton Haynes manages it masterfully.

It has been said before and undoubtedly will be again, but honestly, you really can’t make this stuff up. It’s all as organic as it is hilarious.