RIOC Needs Help Now. Badly. The Daily Is Here For Them

It was clear that RIOC needs help when it sent an advisory last evening that no sane person could fully decipher. It included a map featuring bus riders scaling a wall, circling a building from behind, then walking into an active construction site for pick up. Whoever composed the advisory has never been to Roosevelt Island. And the mapmaker? Ask them who Jarushka Naido is, please.

by David Stone

The Roosevelt Island Daily News

RIOC President Assistant Vice President Akeem Jamal claims a Masters in Communications from Pace University, but, well… I wish he’d taken yesterday off. He’d have that excuse, but he didn’t.

A thoughtful Roosevelt Islander shared this assessment:

“The re-routing advisory & map could only have been produced by either someone who is as dumb as dirt. OR …. Well, someone who doesn’t live or work here. OR works here but can’t write a simple declarative 7-word sentence or two, with a noun & a verb.”

Among other helpful suggestions, the advisory said, “See attached photo for bus stop relocation and road closure info.”

Good luck with that.

RIOC Needs Help: Suggestion #1

Seen with careful precision, you find that RIOC designates one building as “Jarushka Naido.” Another is “Maingourd Consultants.” And Blackwell House earns a rook designation, suggesting President/CYA Shelton J. Haynes’s favorite pastime.

Another is that it disagrees with the written instructions on parking. It illustrates the no parking area is from Starbucks to the New York State Official Shelton J. Haynes Parking Area.

But the advisory says, “‘No Parking’ on the West roadway from the rear of 405 to 475 Main Street…” That’s a different area. So where can people park and not park? Will Jamal’s astute “Team RIOC” hustle in with a correction?

Wanna bet?

And the “Road Closure Location” at the north end of the West Loop Road blocks all traffic south of the Tram since the only alternative, East Loop Road, is one-way heading south. It passes the pickleball courts. How is anyone supposed to drive out?

Still. we’re not here to bet. We came to help Haynes, Jamal and Team RIOC.

Additional Suggestions

“West Roadway will be closed from the rear of 405 to 475 Main Street (between Tram Road and the Blackwell turn around).” Hint: there is no “Tram Road.” Possibly, you mean the North Loop Road.

“All North Bound vehicular traffic must utilize the East side of Main Street in front of 405 to 475 Main Street.” Utilize? Really? (Dictionary: Utilize means “make practical and effective use of: vitamin C helps your body utilize the iron present in your diet.”)

And what’s wrong with simply “use” and “East Main Street?”

And my favorite: “The bus stop in front of the subway will be temporarily relocated south of the subway (across from Granny Annie’s) and pedestrians will be rerouted through the Riverwalk Plaza during this closure. Public Safety will be on site to assist with traffic.” Well, first of all, Granny Annie’s is east not south of the subway. And why would pedestrian traffic need Public Safety assistance walking through Riverwalk Plaza?

Finally

Here at The Daily, we sure hope we’ve been helpful to RIOC. It was our pleasure, and there’s no reason that Shelton, Akeem or Team should thank us. We live here. It’s our responsibility as local citizens.

But you’re welcome anyway.