Yes, there will be no Roosevelt Island Summer Movie tonight

RIOC, the state agency that never makes a mistake or seeks community consent, fired off an email blast yesterday. It was one for the books.

“The Roosevelt Island Summer Movie Series is ending with these two final movies!” it sang.

But then, the author obliquely bowed to criticism over the bizarre choices in a schedule chocked full of R-rated content.

Earlier, RIOC blasted two hours of early Eddie Murphy profanities and raw violence into homes in Southtown, regardless of family status or preference. So loud, it came through the walls.

“We thought it was just for us,” a resident at 405 Main Street joked.

But RIOC was unmoved.

“Calling all adults!” they virtually shouted in the email.

“Tomorrow, Friday, August 20^th…”

(Pause).

“Tomorrow” (today) would be Wednesday, August 18th, but since the flawless state agency did not send a correction and because they’re too rigid for surrealism, we assume it was a typo… by somebody else.

Two typos, really.

“…we present Rocketman (Rated R), a musical biopic of rock icon Elton John.”

About the movie, which he approved, John said, “They wanted to tone down the sex and drugs. But I haven’t led a PG-13 life…”

Viewers, voluntary and involuntary, will be treated to 26 uses of the “F—” word, not to mention both “C—” words and more. Think of it as a way for expanding your vocabulary. Or maybe your kids’.

So, gear up. Like it or not, RIOC will be blasting it across Southtown on Friday.

For me, the sad fact is that I loved this movie. Despite all that John goes through, in the end, it’s sweetly romantic and uplifting. But unless you relish answering questions a ten year old might ask about what the men on the screen are doing, you’d probably be better off with more privacy than a soccer field provides.

Or the orgy scene… Should that we open for public viewing by anyone at any age?

In a theatre, children wouldn’t be allowed without a parent or adult guardian, but in RIOC world, anyone can settle in, no restrictions.

But don’t worry about it… No, not the “sex and drugs” spilling into your living room. Like that or lump it, RIOC suggests.

“Don’t worry, we’ve got something for the family on Saturday, August 21^st, as we showcase The Mighty Ducks, a story of the teamwork and perseverance of a rag-tag youth hockey team.”

Of course, since it’s PG, not G-rated, it’s not a film for the whole family, and there’s plenty that might disturb younger kids.

“Both movies will be shown at Firefighter’s Field (across from the Tram, 300 Main St.)” Editor’s note: also across from residential buildings at 405 and 415 Main Street.

“All films are FREE and begin at sunset but music and more begin at 6 PM! Seating is first-come, first-serve. Food vendors will be on site. Be sure to bring blankets and/or lawn chairs. See you there!”

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