Your cat happily lives with you. She’s your faithful friend and companion. At the same time, he has a full life of his own that you know very little about. She’d like to know more about you but is a master of discretions. Here are some things that your cat would never ask if she could talk, but is nevertheless curious about:
by Jeanne Lindsey
for Assorted Ideas, Large & Small/The Thing About Cats
1.) Why am I forbidden from eating my owner? Just kidding. An icebreaker.
2.) Was that my tail or did something just crawl up my butt?
3.) Why do I get the feeling that there is another cat somewhere in the house?
4.) What’s with all these boxes? Am I moving?
5.) Is it normal for humans to become inexplicably irritable right before a bath?
6.) Why is there a heating pad on the floor?
7.) What’s with all this sand everywhere?
8.) Why do I have to stay in this boring-ass room overnight?!
9.) Why can’t I play with that thing that just ran across my tail?
10.) If it worked for the dog, why can’t I get in on this whole house arrest thing?
11.) Why do humans have so many pillows from which to choose?
12.) If a human could speak cat, would they even bother talking to me?
13.) What is that strange red dot and why is it following me around?
14.) Why is the dog eating my food?
15.) Aren’t you cold without more fur?
16.) If there are dogs in doggy heaven, why can’t I go to kitty heaven?
17.) What would happen if I just peed outside the litter box one time?
18.) Can I eat this bug? It’s moving kind of funny.
19.) Why do humans always leave me alone with the dirty dishes?
20.) Can I go outside yet?
Conclusion:
Cats really don’t know much about anything other than their immediate surroundings. They ask no questions and make no judgments, except maybe when getting ready to pounce on a passing fly or child’s toy.
Susan Rosenthal, a Sacrificial Lamb?*
After Susan Rosenthal was fired, David Kraut would talk about almost anything except Susan. This was unusual because David could discuss a subject long after everyone else had exhausted both the subject and the available oxygen. When her name entered the conversation, however, he became careful. At first I mistook that restraint for discretion; later, I began to recognize guilt.
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