For the Life of Me (Which I No Longer Have), I Can’t Understand Why I Wanted to Be a Zombie

Life as a zombie is no walk in the park. Eternal bureaucracy, unfashionable decay, and survival kits for the living make it a hassle. Who knew being undead meant navigating paperwork and dodging decapitation? Trust me, stick to folding fitted sheets – it’s a breeze in comparison. Just offer a zombie some lukewarm afterlife coffee and dental floss; we might be undead, but we have manners (mostly).

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